How to Start Dating Again After a Breakup

posted by December Savage-Brown - 

Dating is hard. Not dating then attempting to date again is even harder. Whether you're coming out of a marriage, long-term relationship, or just a dating hiatus - hopping back on the saddle will be a doozy for anyone to master. 

Dating is a sport. You could play it for the championship (a relationship) or just for the fun of it. You remember, on Friday night we'll race home from work, makeup, hair, confidence, then, game time!

Let's face it, we aren't all dating athletes and the jitters are real. What do I wear? Who pays the first date? Should I offer to show that I'm independent? Should I talk about my past relationship? What if they do? WHAT SHOULD I WEAR!? 

I get it, trust me, I get it. Let's dive into some tips to shake the nervous bug and get you back out there dating. Everyone deserves a shot at finding their special person. 

Go Shopping


That probably wasn't the first thing you expected me to say, but trust me. How can you expect to sit across from a new date showing your best self when you can't stop fidgeting, worried that your appearance may not be up to par (it is). New clothing that you fell in love with while roaming the mall (or the internet) will give you an instant confidence booster. As long as YOU feel comfortable and beautiful, that is all that matters in the end. 


Go on Tons of Dates


Every athlete needs to practice. The more dates you go on, the less pressure you place onto each one for it to "work." I know it can be soul crushing when a date doesn't call you for a second. You wonder what did you do or say that turned them off. Just remember, we aren't for everybody and that is okay. 


Don't Assume You Will Fall in Love on the First Date


Its a beautiful idea fantasizing about shopping at Whole Foods when you just so happen to bump your cart into your soul mate. Disney fantasy, lost debit card, evil step-sisters blah blah, now married in a castle. Lovely, but how many times does that actually happen. Don't show up to your dates with any major expectations. This puts too much pressure on you both as our authentic selves are tucked underneath our show face. 

Plan Your Dates Within a Close Radius


Again, lets not over stress these dates. Why go through all of the work choosing your outfit, styling your hair, shaking jitters, to have to travel 30 minutes for a date and discover it wasn't even all worth it. Make life easy for yourself. A quick trip to a local bar or bowling alley, whatever you fancy, will ease the tension. You'll feel comfortable being close to home and you won't feel like you've wasted your time if the date sucks. 


Remember Your Date is Trying to Impress You

 

Don't get so wrapped up in the idea that your date will notice every little imperfection you may have. If they are there, they are interested in seeing the best in you. As much as you are trying to impress them, they are trying to impress you. If you just so happen to bring up something you fear they may find weird - who cares! It was on your mind so be you. Don't stress. You're beautiful as you are.  

Be Uniquely You

 

There is no one on this earth who has faced your experiences. Whether you have a quirky laugh, a nervous smile, a unique perspective on aliens, or whatever! No one can ever be you. That's what makes you special. When you display your true self on a first date and your date doesn't call for a second one, then good! You two would never have completely vibed with each other. Like I said before, we aren't for everybody. Your date just saved you a ton of time and potential heartache by ending it quickly. Best of all, you don't have to hide your true self, pretending to be someone else for the duration of the relationship. That sounds...exhausting! Be your wonderful self and I guarantee you, someone will get you. 

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