A relationship expert suggests that one thing to always do to keep the romance alive after you have children is not what you think.
Date nights are certainly important, but there's something that is more significant.
Research suggests that couples are not as happy with their partners after they become parents. But it doesn’t have to be that way, according to Beth Goss, a parenting and relationship educator with the Gottman Institute in Seattle.
“A really common thing that happens after a baby comes into the picture is that you go from being soulmates to roommates. Suddenly it's all about dividing tasks, and that's not what brought you together," Goss tells TODAY.com.
So how do you get back to being soulmates?” Don’t worry: the solution isn’t to “go on a date night.”
Goss says the key to keeping your relationship alive after having kids is small, thoughtful gestures.
“It’s the little stuff, like walking downstairs and seeing that your partner put the laundry away, or did the grunt task that you didn’t want to do — all that stuff is basically foreplay. That is what's going to put you in the mood," Goss explains.
Goss says her husband, Timothy, has been unloading the dishwasher for three decades now and she always thanks him for that.
“Often what we do is, we notice something but we don’t vocalize it,” Goss notes. “You want to notice the stuff you like — ‘You look so cute playing with the baby,’ or ‘Thank you for unloading the dishwasher.' Hearing nice stuff about yourself all the time? It feels good and makes a huge difference in a relationship.”
Goss’s children are now 24 and 28, but when they were younger, she and Timothy would divide the chores and give each other space and alone time.
“We made sure to give the other person time to do what they wanted to do,” Goss shares. If Saturdays and Sundays are too hectic for your family, Goss recommends giving your partner space during the week.
“For example, ‘Every Tuesday is your night and I’ll deal with dinner and bedtime and baths and all that stuff,” Goss says. “It’s just another way of showing the other person that they’re important, and appreciated. And all those things help with desire."
What do think? Are there other things you do to keep the romance in your relationship going?
Source: Today